Bark at the whole of the moon

Dear James,

If Mike Scott of The Waterboys had come to your school assembly in the late 80s, would your fellow pupils have reacted in such a friendly manner? I can't help but feel that if Mr. Scott had come to Hazel Grove High School and played a jolly tune on the piano, the students would not have reacted so enthusiastically. In fact, I don't think my school had a piano. And don't be fooled by their pretty website. In our day, we didn't even have those claret sweaters for uniforms. They were later imposed by an Aston Villa-supporting headmaster.

Yesterday when I was supposed to be working I discovered something very interesting. To begin with, some etymology for you, courtesy of Mr. Quinion. Did you enjoy that? Good. By now you should be aware that there's a leap year every four years, but not in years ending in 00 (1700, 1800, 1900), unless it's divisible by 400 (2000) in which case it's a leap year, and thus we keep all the seasons in step. This process, as you'll know being a scientist, is called metemptosis.

However, what happens if we want to add a date to the calendar to keep it in step with the moon? This is called proemptosis, one of which we won't be needing until 4200, but Quinion shirks out of explaining what this is all about. However, the 1892 London Encyclopaedia explains all in layman's terms:

METEMPTOSIS, from ¡ura, after, and iriirriD, I fall, a term in chronology, expressing the solar equation necessary to prevent the new moon from happening a day too late ; by which it stands contradistinguished from Proemptosis, which signifies the lunar equation necessary to prevent the new moon from happening too soon. The new moon's running a little backwards, that is, coming a day too soon at the end of 312 years and a half; by the proemptosis, a day is added every 300 years, and another every 2400 years : on the other hand, by the metemptosis, a bissextile is suppressed each 134 years; that is, three times in 400 years. These alterations are never made but at the end of each century ; that period rendering the practice of the calendar easy. There are three rules for making this addition or suppression of the bissextile day, and for changing the index of the epacts. 1. When there is a metemptosis without a proemptosis, the next following, or lower index, must be taken. 2. When there is a proemptosis without a metemptosis, the next preceding or superior index is to be taken. 3. When there are both a metemptosis and a proemptosis, or when there is neither the one nor the other, the same index is preferred. Thjs, in 1600, we had D : in 1700, by reason of the metemptosis, С was taken : in 1800 there were both a proemptosis and metemptosis ; so the same index was retained. In 1900 there will be a metemptosis again, when B will be taken; whicli will be preserved in 2000, because there will then be neither the one nor the other. This is as far as we need to compute for it : but Clavius has calculated a cycle of 301,800 years ; at the end of which period the same indices return in the same order.

All of which is no news to Ozzy Osbourne.



Dear Daniel,

During our time indindustry, our marketing woman at the label was called Claire Moon. During the video shoot for Animal, in between some shot or other, a bass-playing friend of mine started talking about the "hole of the Moon".

We got dropped soon afterwards...