Prelude / Angry Young Man

Dear James,

I spent yesterday afternoon listening to Billy Joel's Turnstiles album and smoking pot in the sunshine. If there's a better way to spend a Saturday, I've yet to find it. This live performance has much to recommend it: The way it takes a heavy-metalesque two minuutes before the lyrics start; Billy Joel's nonchalance, playing the piano one-handed while chatting with the crowd (if you read his lips, he's saying "look at this: one-handed! Do you want to meet me later?");

Once again, as in the Van Halen video, what's with the huge drumkit? It's not as if Billy Joel bothers to get a 150-key piano. I can understand that if you have eight tom toms you can do a couple of fills in the songs (there's a completely pointless one at 3:57), but is that really cost-effective? I'd invest my money in drumsticks. You can never have too many drumsticks.

How often to you see rock stars wearing suits like that these days? Was he trying to do an updated version of The Beatles' thing? Or had he come straight from a board meeting and not had time to change? And why does a fan hand him a pizza at the end of the song? Oh, hang on, it's a frisbee.

Dear Daniel,

As you know, I was a huge fan of Billy Joel at the age of 7 when An Innocent Man came out. At the time, as far as music was concerned, I liked only him and the Beatles so I may have made the suit-link without realising it. Naturally, I know all the answers to your questions. I also still know the name of the drummer. I know where and on which album sleeve you are able to find a picture of him wearing a watch around his ankle. Dammit, I even know the name of the saxophonist who is performing backing vocals. Compare this, for example, with the fact that I cannot remember any of the history I was taught at school. This is not an exaggeration. I can't even remember being taught history although I can remember the teachers who apparently did it, so there must have been at least some attempt on their part. I would probably be a better person if I knew more about the Peasant's Revolt and less about bloody Doug Stegmeyer.

This song is also on the live album Kohyept, and I hadn't thought seriously about that record for over 20 years until this summer, when I realised on a street in Irkutsk that it is supposed to be pronounced "concert".

Jump

Dear James,
Tight trousers, big hair and a man playing a guitar which he thinks is a keyboard. No wonder we all loved Van Halen back in the day. And we weren't the only ones. VH1 decided this was the 82nd best rock song of the century. There's no arguing with that. Although I've got Pablo sitting next to me with half a sandwich in his mouth arguing that Charisma by Kiss is the best rock song of the 20th century. The people I have to work with...

Eddie Van Halen is a mystery unto himself. For the whole half of this video he does the worst keyboard miming act ever. That's a guitar, Eddie! Then for the solo he tries to play every single instrument on stage, failing only because he can't work out what those funny hollow drums are for.

David Lee Roth, meanwhile, does his Pamela Anderson impersonation. Even Pamela can't do the jumping splits that well. Have you ever heard DLR's cover of Californian Girls? You have now, and you wish you hadn't.

Pablo's just told me that it wasn't really Eddie Van Halen, but the bass player who was the musical genius in the band, playing all the instruments and managing everything behind the scenes like a puppet master. I believed him, I'm gullible like that.

Anyway, I was watching that video at work, my excuse being that I was stealing lines from the song to put in my characters' mouths. Until I realised I was giving them lines from an entirely different song called "Jump". Can you see why I would've got confused?