Girls, Girls, Girls

Dear James,

Ah, 1980s MOR and naked women. John Spencer, watch and learn. Mötley Crüe are very touchy about their videos, all the versions of Girls Girls Girls are unavailable in my country and they've disabled embedding for this one too, so I'm obliged to illustrate this piece with a photo of Crüe drummer, Tommy Lee. (Readers please note: I do not own the copyright to this photo and it is used here merely for educational purposes.)

Watching this when I was 14 was the height of excitement. My neighbour Matt Blundell had recorded it off Raw Power and we watched that, the nudey bits from Monty Python films, and some dodgy interview off The Word, and then we had something to remember for later. We made our own entertainment in those days.

Aren't Mötley Crüe hard? I'm very impressed with their big bikes, their leather gear, and the way they gang up on an unarmed man minding his own business in a strip club (0:38). Notice at (1:38) the camera cuts to Vince Neill in the crowd, and he looks like just another stripper. Also good to see what a consummate professional Mick Mars was (3:32). He somehow finds himself in the strippers' dressing room, surrounded by ladies in lace, and he just lights up a cig and carries on playing his solo. Musical masturbation, some would call it.

The follow up to Girls Girls Girls was Bikes Bikes Bikes, featuring the boys riding around on women while some tarted-up Harley Davidsons flaunted their assets around a dance pole. The video was less successful.

Bassist Nikki Sixx (all these names are made up, one suspects) officially died in December 1987 after a heroin overdose. He was brought back to life with an adrenaline shot to the heart. Like that lady in the film. Sadly, this has never led to any kind of "Nikki is Dead" conspiracy theories.

Afro

Dear Daniel,

There is a reason. I've been plugged in by Virgin. So I was searching for "Plug Me In" by Add n To (x). I thought you might like the fact that it featured a porn star. Unfortunately, it's just too damn smutty for YouTube to allow so the result is less than happy. It's here though. Anyway, I remember John Spencer did something with them at some point and that reminded me I haven't heard Afro for a long time.

His ability to build a reasonably successful career from shouting "Blues explosion!" repeatedly while flinging himself at a theremin is quite something. God knows, I've tried to do the same. My techniques were "shuddering" and "sweating" - both of which mirror the complexity of John Spencer's ideas but which failed to bring me the level of praise dumped on this man in the late 90s.

I am willing to admit that his moves, if not more cool than mine, were a bit more socially acceptable.

Dear James,
That's positively filthy. In fact I watched the plug-me-in video 2 hours ago and it's taken me that long to get back to here. It was a wet and wild voyage. So it would appear that any two women with a polaroid and a dildo can now be popstars? That's very empowering. It's like Tatu all over again. I've told Josefina, if she can find a friend I'll lend her the piano.

Oh, and John Spencer? Meh. Didn't you make me go and see him at the Leadmill? He was rubbish then as well. No MOR and no naked women, what kind of video is that?